Are you suffering for no reason?
Pain becomes unbearable, when our thoughts and our attitude for life are affected in a way that they have diterrent effects in communicating and interacting with other people. Today we will try to see how to handle this feeling and to also see the differences between grief and misery.
Although in everyday life sadness and misery are used as synonyms, in psychology they have several differences. It’s nice to know them so you can learn to manage these feelings more easily.
Misery is a negative emotion that’s directly related to an event that affect us, eg. it hurts my feelings that my friend Aris had a birthday party and I wasn’t invited. So pain, who comes from misery is a feeling that is linked with a situation and it can be explained with the thought. As time passes and with the detach that happens in our thought from other events, pain will be gone.
Sadness on the other hand is an emotion that cause us pain because a situation or a problem needs to be discussed, assessed or settled in a way. Eg. Aris isn’t my friend or Aris is mad at me, or maybe Aris has a good reason and that’s why he didn’t invite me, so the person is filled with doubts and negative emotions. Thereby, the emotional painis fed by negative thoughts and emotions which over time increase in intensity and duration.
Of course,misery and sadness are normal and necessary when there is a death, a separation, etc. of a loved one. Unnecessary suffering is however to include ourselves in a mixture of negative thoughts that can afflict us for a long time by a minor incident.
Let’s use the example of the party again. We may get angry ,it may effect our self-esteem, we may feel victims and decide not to talk to Aris or attack him for no reason and then he will also be negative towards us and this anger and frustration will keep for months or years. Of course, all these feelings are certainly disproportionate for a birthday party invitation that never came to you, but they are fed from deeper fears like «I’m not good enough to be invited» etc…
That’s pretty much the path that sadness takes and sets in your life, but let’s see what we can do to manage misery and sadness:
- Admit that there is a problem.
- Accept your feelings.
- Accept the fact as it is, without any extension. Tell yourself «things happened that way because they had to» good or bad, right or wrong is something irrelevant.
- Feel the pain clearly. Let it act without blocking it, for example with alcohol, in order to express it and not built it up inside you.
- Express your feelings. Write about them, draw, talk to friends, yell, hit a pillow, do anything you want.
- Communicate. If someone hurt you, ask him why he did it. Don’t let your mind make scenarios.
- Relax and try to see the event as a third person. Then rate the cause of your sorrow. For example, does «not invited to the party» worth a 10?
We certainly do have the potential to manage our misery so it doesn’t come to be suffering. With evaluation of the facts and our good friend positive thinking we won’t let it drag us down.
Life is full of misery to the extent we allow it to be!!!!!
The Key To Thought – www.tokleidi.com